Setting your kids up for suicide

My job, from the age of 7 until I resigned when I was 21, was to talk my hysterical mother out of killing herself/moving out 4 to 6 times a year.   She’d get upset, usually about the messiness of the house, become hysterical, and head for the family car.  My dad would send me after her (who did it before I was old enough–did he?).  We’d sit in the car while I reasoned with her, crying, pleading, and, as I aged and got better at it, offering alternatives to her planned abandonment.  

This hard-wired me to think of suicide as a solution whenever I dealt with extreme stress, such as going to grad school as a single mother with a two-year-old.  Feeling bad?  Try some suicidal ideation.  

Now that I’ve planned my exit date, I find it even more comforting.  Yes, I have to jump through this hoop and that one, but the end is in sight.  Just three more years and I won’t have to worry any more about anything.

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~ by judeincolorado on April 16, 2009.

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