Staying away from suicidal ideation

Last Thursday, I didn’t have time to think about suicide.   Not one thought of suicide entered my brain for an entire 10 hour period because I was running around like Mike the headless chicken  assisting with a music festival.  Does that mean suicidal ideation can arise from boredom?  Possibly.  I find this phase of my suicidal planning interesting because it’s not like the obsessive-major-depressive-illness-with-constant- suicidal-ideation I experienced before.  It’s more a weariness with living.  I’m tired of working 7 days a week, tired of my teenaged children, tired of bad eyes, bad knees, and a bad back.  And I know what the future brings–abject loneliness of the sort I felt last summer.  I just wish I could kill myself *TODAY* instead of waiting, but I know that three years can go quickly if I just stay busy.


~ by judeincolorado on April 27, 2009.

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