Staying away from suicidal ideation
Last Thursday, I didn’t have time to think about suicide. Not one thought of suicide entered my brain for an entire 10 hour period because I was running around like Mike the headless chicken assisting with a music festival. Does that mean suicidal ideation can arise from boredom? Possibly. I find this phase of my suicidal planning interesting because it’s not like the obsessive-major-depressive-illness-with-constant- suicidal-ideation I experienced before. It’s more a weariness with living. I’m tired of working 7 days a week, tired of my teenaged children, tired of bad eyes, bad knees, and a bad back. And I know what the future brings–abject loneliness of the sort I felt last summer. I just wish I could kill myself *TODAY* instead of waiting, but I know that three years can go quickly if I just stay busy.