I don’t really know how to have friends, and at the moment I appear to have two, which is more anxiety-inducing and frightening than helpful.
Yesterday, I tagged along with Justin on a trip to the pet store and I realized what a mistake that was. It was one of our few out-of-school journeys thus far, and between talking too much and almost talking about suicide and generally feeling in the way, I came home a wreck, more determined than ever not to hang out with him or Lynn this summer. Realistically, I can see that I wasn’t that bad, but the perception of my stupidity made it a painful encounter.
Justin took the signature strengths test at http://www.authentichappiness.org and one of his signature strengths is kindness. I figure that’s why he’s kind to me.
This morning they dropped by to see me and encourage me to go hiking with them and Justin’s dog, and I told them no. I wish I never had to see either of them again. One more week of school, and that should be the end.
I did come up with a new mantra to get through the summer: “Every day that I’m alive is an advantage to my children.” Can’t leave now–they’ll be stuck with that jerk and they won’t get a big enough monthly check from my retirement. Gotta stick around. Best way to do that–avoid the turmoil from having friends.