Friends

I don’t really know how to have friends, and at the moment I appear to have two, which is more anxiety-inducing and frightening than helpful.  

Yesterday, I tagged along with Justin on a trip to the pet store and I realized what a mistake that was.  It was one of our few out-of-school journeys thus far, and between talking too much and almost talking about suicide and generally feeling in the way, I came home a wreck, more determined than ever not to hang out with him or Lynn this summer.   Realistically, I can see that I wasn’t that bad, but the perception of my stupidity made it a painful encounter.

Justin took the signature strengths test at http://www.authentichappiness.org and one of his signature strengths is kindness.   I figure that’s why he’s kind to me.

This morning they dropped by to see me and encourage me to go hiking with them and Justin’s dog, and I told them no.  I wish I never had to see either of them again.  One more week of school, and that should be the end.

I did come up with a new mantra to get through the summer:  “Every day that I’m alive is an advantage to my children.”  Can’t leave now–they’ll be stuck with that jerk and they won’t get a big enough monthly check from my retirement.  Gotta stick around.  Best way to do that–avoid the turmoil from having friends.

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~ by judeincolorado on May 16, 2009.

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